I've been very blue. I've been weeping. A lot. I wept when Bryce told me I looked beautiful. I wept when I was talking to Ewan before he went to bed tonight. I wept when I saw my beautiful new kitty playing. I'm weepy now because I'm thinking of how much I love my sister Ashley and how beautiful she looked today. I'm weepy now because my little sister is having a baby, and we never talk, and I miss her because we used to be close, and I don't think she cares. I know I'll be weeping later because we're going to watch a movie with Tommy Lee Jones in it, and I love him so much, and he reminds me of my dad. I've been weeping because I feel like I've wasted so much of myself and my time and my talents, to the point where I feel like I have not much to offer. I want to weep because I'm SO. TIRED. ALL. THE. TIME. and I can barely function. I even wept when I thought about how much time I spent alone in the hospital when I had Fynn because Bryce was with Ewan. I'll be weeping in frustration over the next few months because I cannot figure out where on earth we are going to put a crib. And I'm weepy because I want to enjoy my blog the way I used to, but I don't see that happening any time soon.
So forgive me. I needed to do a therapeutic post. It's my pity party, and I'll cry if I want to.
May 31, 2008
Pity party
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9 comments:
Aw Kelli! No weeping! Be happy! You are so blessed! Count your many blessings name then one by one...now, do a post on why you should be HAPPY AND SMILING, not weeping. Then we can come to your HAPPY party! xoxoxo your way!
Oh sweet Kelli! I am so sorry for the weepy's I hate when they come and it seems as if there is nothing to do to make them leave! Life can be so hard soemtimes, but it is good you got a bit of it out. I always like a good cry myself, you should call me and then you can weep TO someone! Love and hugs, and I will hopefully see you soon!
Please don't forget (ha! like you could forget) that you are pregnant and hormones are a terrible terrible thing! And it sounds like a lot of the things you are weeping about are because you love them and not because they are necessarily bad. You have so many talents you don't give yourself credit for. The thing that's great about life is that we always have time to fix those things that we are unhappy with. And I think it's only normal for us to think the way you are feeling sometimes!
By the way, could you be anemic, too? Oh, and I don't think you will have any shortage of people in the hospital this time around. Just call and we will be there!
Weeping cleanses the soul...an outlet for all our despair. I hope you feel better and even if you don't, hopefully it's at least lessened.
I remember how tired you said you were with Fynn's pregnancy...so this is probably just the thing that happens...some women get horribly sick and some women get horribly happy Ü...you just get horribly tired! So...for the next, what? 7 months...just sleep and embrace the tiredness. Your body is making another soul and it must be an awesome one after all it's taking from you!!
Love and hugs, let me know when I can watch those cute boys so you can embrace your tiredness. :P
I am not generally one who weeps. I often feel an abundance of emotion, whether it be happy or sad, but it very hard for me to cry. Take consolation in having an oulet for your emotions.
My boys will be out for the summer starting next week and would love to have Ewan over to play again. You could drop him and Fynn off and go take a nap.
Honestly, Kelli, I really like reading posts like these, because it shows me I'm not the only one who gets like this. But you're so hard on yourself! I think you're one of the most hilarious, most interesting and one of the best moms I know. So don't sell yourself short!
And anyway...the fact that your heart strings tighten so often just shows the density of your heart and the depth of your spirit.
Okay, wow, Jenny definitely said things WAY more eloquently than I ever could have! She is so right!
Kel, you are an amazing woman. And, you are creating life. That sweet baby in your tummy and those sweet babies in your house are all that should take importance right now. Ok, and Bryce too. No matter what we all know you are doing your best right now, and kids won't remember anyway. They remember the fun mom who tells stories, and lets them have pets, and who takes them fun places, and hugs and kisses them. They think you are pretty when you have bed hair and lipstick on your teeth. I am sorry you are feeling weepy. I have been that way for almost a year since the kids went off to school. It is no fun and lonely no matter what is going on around you. Thank you for your sweet words, I rarely feel pretty. You are beautiful too. You're a cool sis. Love you!
Ditto...all of the smart people above have said everything way better than I ever could. Thanks for writing this...
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