Pity party

I've been very blue.  I've been weeping.  A lot.  I wept when Bryce told me I looked beautiful.  I wept when I was talking to Ewan before he went to bed tonight.  I wept when I saw my beautiful new kitty playing.  I'm weepy now because I'm thinking of how much I love my sister Ashley and how beautiful she looked today.  I'm weepy now because my little sister is having a baby, and we never talk, and I miss her because we used to be close, and I don't think she cares.  I know I'll be weeping later because we're going to watch a movie with Tommy Lee Jones in it, and I love him so much, and he reminds me of my dad.  I've been weeping because I feel like I've wasted so much of myself and my time and my talents, to the point where I feel like I have not much to offer.  I want to weep because I'm SO. TIRED. ALL. THE. TIME. and I can barely function.  I even wept when I thought about how much time I spent alone in the hospital when I had Fynn because Bryce was with Ewan.  I'll be weeping in frustration over the next few months because I cannot figure out where on earth we are going to put a crib.  And I'm weepy because I want to enjoy my blog the way I used to, but I don't see that happening any time soon.

So forgive me.  I needed to do a therapeutic post.  It's my pity party, and I'll cry if I want to.  

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRYCE!!!

Okay, so this is technically two days late, but I've been busy, and tired, and busy and tired at the same time, so I'm just getting around to it.  Bryce's birthday was Monday, and it was especially nice because he had both Friday and Monday off, so we had the best four day weekend.  We tried not to "schedule" anything, just hang out, lay low, and if we felt like getting stuff done, we'd do it, if not, we didn't.  We're trying to be good with money, and Bryce always insists he doesn't need anything.  I know he wants Guitar Hero, but it's too expensive, and I don't really want it in the house because I know he'll never do anything else ever again if it is.  So I found this nice compromise for his birthday.  His second birthday present is giving the new dog back to Mary Ann since he hates it, and since it chewed through one of his computer cords!

Very sad thing and very good thing

Bryce and I were very distressed yesterday as we drove by this, literally minutes after it happened. They had not yet even covered the victim, and luckily Ewan was asleep because it was right on his side of the car. We weren't even trying to see, at first we thought the traffic holdup was a fender bender, and were irritated at the slowdown. But as horrible as seeing the man lying there was, and the trauma to the body, the saddest thing for me was seeing the three young girls that had been in the other car, sitting huddled against the divider, clinging to each other and sobbing. Both visuals have stayed with me and Bryce ever since, and I don't know when I'll be able to shake the images.

In an effort to do just that, I want to post the pictures of Ewan's preschool program. (Thanks again, Shannon.)

Shannon and I were sitting on opposite sides of the gym, and I kept seeing Ewan looking for me, just searching all around, but he never looked right at me. He obviously found Shannon and her family taking pictures of him.

Making music.

Preschooler Bowling.

Mmmmm, cake for lunch.

Buddies. Pardon the lovely look on Ewan's face, he was mid-chew.

Garden of Children

I'll have to post pictures of this later, since I couldn't find my camera and have to mooch pictures off of Shannon again.  (Thanks, Shannon!)  But today Ewan had his preschool program, as well as Natalie, and it was cheesy and goofy and the cutest thing I've ever seen.  I just couldn't believe I had a KID up there, singing songs and performing.  I mean, what happened to Ewan the baby?  And all the kids lined up were so stinkin' cute that I wanted to get a giant ball and do some Preschooler Bowling.

Night happenings

Bryce got home at 2:00 this morning, and didn't have a house key with him.  I forgot this fact, and was brutally awakened by the dog barking her head off, of course right outside the kids' door.  I finally realized Bryce must be home, and I stumbled up to let him in, right as Ewan stumbles out of his room telling me he's had a nightmare.  He likes to sleep on the couch when this happens, so I snuck into his room to get his pillow and bear.  There was Fynn, laying on his side, staring at his Gloworm, which he has recently rediscovered.  It was laying right next to him, and the glow was shining on his face as he listened to the music.  He saw me, gave me a small grin, and just continued listening and staring.  I am not even kidding when I tell you that since I had Ewan four years ago, nothing has melted my heart as much as seeing Fynn laying there with that Gloworm.  

After the house had finally settled back down, I was having a bit of a hard time going back to sleep, when my beloved new kitty Ruby climbed up on my pillow, and for twenty minutes proceeded to search through my hair, like she was looking for somewhere to nurse.  But it was like the nicest head massage as her paws just kneaded my scalp.  She finally gave up, realized I don't have cat nipples on my head, and wrapped herself in my hair, where she slept for six hours straight.  Ahhh, I love that kitty.  

(And do you see how you can tell I'm really a cat person?  When I talk about the dog, which is almost never, I only refer to her as "the dog."  I haven't even mentioned the new dog once since he came here.  But get me a kitty, and I'll talk about almost nothing else, and I even refer to her by name.  They are like my family, cats.  It's a good thing I got married, because I would seriously be crazy cat lady.)

Nothing to say but in pictures

This is Fynn's "Where?" pose. Ask him where something is and he does this while he looks all around. Every time he does it I have to refrain from kicking him. His appointment for that awful rash is finally coming on Wednesday.
Bryce caught the kitty sleeping on my head the other day. On a side note, it is a girl, and we named her Ruby. I love her. A lot. And you'll be seeing a lot of her, I'm sure.
I love this picture, she's asleep amid the chaos she inflicted on the flowers. Oh, how I love her.
It was so hot today, I took the boys to get a fun little sprinkler thing for them to play in. Fun was had.
Although Fynn wasn't always so sure about it when it was spraying his face. He'd start to fuss and look at me like "Get me out of here!" That is a serious belly there.

Coca-Cola, take me away...

Well, it has been one whopper of a day.  I woke up exhausted, because let me tell you, this schedule of Bryce's SUCKS.  There's no other way to say it, sorry.  He hasn't been getting home until 4:30 am, and last night it was 5:00 am.  So he has to sleep half of the day away, which is difficult because our house is very tiny, and our doorknobs have become very easy for Fynn to open, so it's impossible to keep him out.  Bryce may as well be trying to sleep on the couch in the middle of the living room for all the good it does.  Plus, when he's not here, I just can't sleep as good.  

So I woke up a little cranky today, and my dog keeps escaping the backyard, and Fynn WILL.NOT.STOP.CLIMBING.ON.THE.TABLE.  I have to keep all the chairs across the room from the kitchen table and move them back and forth constantly for meal times or coloring or whatever.  Today, I forgot to move Ewan's chair, and I dozed off on the couch.  For like two minutes.  I popped awake and asked Ewan what Fynn was doing, and he said, "Standing on the table."  Yes, indeed, he was, and he had poured an entire glass of milk on the floor, which the dog was enjoying licking up.  After Fynn had woken Bryce up a dozen times, I decided to go get groceries and added to my list "new doorknob" and only half jokingly "child leash."

I needed to get gas, so I stop on the way to the store, and their pump won't turn on.  I swiped my card twice, it was accepted, but then it just didn't do anything.  So I unload the kids, traipse inside where the pimply faced, awkward ugly teenager basically told me I was stupid and that I needed to swipe my card.  Ummmm, I did, jerk.  I decide to go to another gas station, and seriously, for like five seconds, my foot was lead because I was so worked up, and in the ONE BLOCK that my foot was heavy, a cop nabbed me.  I was going 54 in a 35.  OOPS!  But the kicker was that I couldn't find our insurance card anywhere, and he decided to try to track our insurance down FOR HALF AN HOUR.  He told me he was supposed to tow my car away, but I think since I had the two kids and was so nice, he just gave me a nice $900 ticket instead.  (So expensive because I was nabbed in my parent's car in 2001 with no insurance.)  Luckily, we do actually have insurance, so we'll get out of that.  Although not for the $200 speeding ticket.  Yippee.

You can tell I was upset when I shopped because items on the grocery bill included:  one Coke, one candy bar, break and bake oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, ricotta cheese tortellini, Boston Market lasagna (cheesy) and lots of macaroni and cheese.  Will I eat all of that today?  That's for me to know and you to find out.

Serial adopters

Just call us the Angelina and Brad of the animal world. Here is the newest - and I swear the last addition - being mauled, I mean stroked, by Fynn.
Ewan had a playdate with the Grimmett twins the other day (where, by the way, he had a total blast and came home with the sweetest note from Shannon that said, "I love you." He's talked about them nonstop since). While I was there, Julie mentioned kittens her sister was trying to find homes for. Like I was going to just let that go! I've been wanting a kitten forever, and I promise that three cats is my limit. Julie said it was a boy (but are you sure, Julie? I think it might be a girl...) so we're trying to pick a name. Ewan wants to name him Tarantula for some reason, or Mark after a kid in his class. I told him that if it is for sure a boy, I'll let him be called Spider rather than Tarantula. At any rate, he's so darn cute and now I feel complete. Really. I just love being surrounded by animals, especially cats, and I always have. I think it's such an important part of a kid's childhood, too, to have at least one pet around. So the count is now (and final) two dogs, three cats, three fish. Hopefully my house doesn't stink like "PET!" Please tell me if it ever does, I won't be offended, I swear.

Run like the wind

For Ewan's preschool the other day, as a wrap-up party for the Alphabet, they were to go dressed as a letter of the alphabet. Now, I'm not creative, not even a little bit when it comes to things like costumes and such. My brilliant idea was to get an old white t-shirt and write W words all over it. He originally wanted to be the letter Z, but Mr. Z supposedly is covered in zippers. If I sewed, and if I wasn't a procrastinator, I would have gone and bought a jillion zippers and covered an outfit with them. As it stands, I ended up having to call Ashley for a lightning bolt idea. And in under 30 seconds, she had one. (She's so good at that!) She said, brown pants, blue shirt, blue "cape" (i.e. baby blanket) and he would be Mr. W as The Wind. He loved the idea and even managed to keep his cape on throughout all of preschool.
Last night's baseball game was a raging success, although the immediate aftermath was a little dramatic. I had told Bryce to bring me back one of those awesoem ballpark hotdogs, so he did. I guess at some point in the car, Ewan squished it a little, and Bryce told him that it was mine, and that wasn't nice. Ewan began to worry a little. When I opened the door, he looked fine, and told me, "I accidentally squished your hot dog." He looked so worried, which prompted me to exclaim a little too loudly, "Oh, honey, that's OK!" Well, he started wailing. And wailing. I've never heard anything like it, it sounded like Marley's ghost moaning through a megaphone. He told me, "I don't like squishing other people's food!" It was so bad it took us thirty minutes to get him calmed down and into bed. He was just so tired. But I laid down with him before he fell asleep, and he told me about all these people he met. He was especially excited that he met a Canadian. For months, Bryce has told him about how Canadians talk funny, especially how they say "soory." One day he even talked for an hour describing to us different ways Canadians say various words. It was hilarious. Truck was something "trubaskado." Bryce had painted such a funny picture in his head that Ewan didn't realize Canadians are people. He has referred to them as Canadian aliens, or some sort of animal. So for him to meet a Canadian and see he was actually a human being, well, it was a big moment.

Uncle Troy, Ewan, Bryce

T-ball

Uncle Troy

Mmmm... Coke.

Peanuts, Cracker Jack and Man's Best Friend

Bryce has taken Ewan to his first baseball game tonight.  He was so excited, but we quickly realized he thought HE was going to be playing, not just watching.  We had a mini-drama over that, but Bryce just sent me a message saying Ewan is having a blast.  I made Bryce take the camera, so hopefully there will be some cute pictures to post.  While they were gone, Fynn and I had some fun throwing a ball all around the living room, until he began to melt down and I put him in bed.  Having this time to myself has been nice, although the movie I had set aside to watch turned out to be kind of boring.  But I gave myself a pedicure, read some gloriously stupid yet fun websites, and watched stupid TV.  It was refreshing.  

I'm a little distressed because some new neighbors have moved in behind us, and let me tell you...  I feel like they might be related to the people that camped by us this weekend.  I actually remember from the park ranger reading out their IDs that one of them lived in Arlington. I'm pretty sure that's him behind us. They are yelling at each other constantly, using many expletives, and even as we speak their music is blaring through my backyard.  They also have three very aggressive pit bulls.  Today I was outside with the kids when Fynn wandered to that corner of the fence.  Before I could get to him, those dogs had started barking at him so furiously that our two dogs rushed over in defense.  So there is my Fynn, in the middle of five very angry, loud dogs, and he was shaking so violently I could see it from far away.  But he was paralyzed and wouldn't walk away.  Our backyard is big, and I've been having my lovely pregnancy sciatica that I can't ever seem to escape, so it took me a minute to get to him.  He just clung to me so hard and cried his little heart out.  It was sad for Fynn, but I also was glad our dogs had that instinct to protect him.  I guess I can put up with some shedding and invasion of personal space after all.  

A little bit of this and a little bit of that

We have had a really good weekend, starting with a camping trip that has been previously documented here, here and here. There were a few little bumps and odd experiences, but overall it was completely fun, and I can't wait to do it again. I will, however, be waiting until probably October when the lovely state of Texas starts to think about getting cooler. Unfortunately, we forgot our camera, but other people smarter and better organized than us remembered theirs, and we were able to get some cute shots. These were some of my favorites:




Next time we'll just cross our fingers that we can avoid the drunken idiots one campsite over. I'm so glad we have met such wonderful people that have become our good friends. Bryce and I spent the first few years of our marriage virtually friendless, and it's so nice to have had our circle of supporters and confidants expand so much since we moved into this house. Hopefully it's a trend that will continue throughout our life.

Bryce is going to be on a very odd schedule for a few weeks. He'll be home during the day, but will be working the graveyard shift for a week or two, leaving around 5:30 pm and working until 2:00 or 3:00 am. It will be interesting, that's for sure. But it might actually help with my desire to step up my blogging again. With so many hours in the evening to myself, I'm sure I'll be on here quite a bit more.

I just want to wish everyone a very happy Mother's Day! You are all so awesome and we love you.

Look what Missy did!

Ahhh, if only.

Some may disagree...

... but I think this is one of the most fabulous dresses I have ever seen.
I just can't stop staring. Someone photoshop my head on her body.

Report Card

Ewan had his four year check-up today.  Aside from a serious panic-attack on his part regarding shots, in which he screamed at the top of his lungs and it took me and two nurses to hold him down, it went really well.  The nurse was very impressed because she couldn't trick him on his hearing test, his eyes were perfect, and he's in the 95th percentile for his height.  The only drawback is that he is slightly anemic, which isn't that big of a surprise, because ever since his long bought of fevers a few months ago, his appetite has been very poor.  He barely picks at his meals and declares himself full after eating less than half.  But I had a good talk with him today about it, and he ate all of his dinner tonight and was asking for more.  The doctor also said anemia is fairly common when they are big like him.  It's like he's growing faster than he can keep up with.

Fynn is finally trying out some words.  He says mommy, daddy, cracker, diaper, dog, and cookie.  There's something else in there I'm forgetting...  Everything with him is so good right now, and he's growing so fast.  The only problem right now is that his rash has spread over his entire body.  Bryce and I had the idea that maybe he was allergic to milk, so we only gave him soy milk for a couple of days, but then we got lazy.  The two days he was off of the milk, his nose stopped running (which it has done chronically for several months), and the rash on his face wasn't nearly as bad.  But we didn't really notice how much until the third day when we gave him milk again.  Within hours, his face looked like hamburger meat and his nose was running like a faucet again.  So, we're pretty sure it's a milk allergy.  It makes since, since he's had the rash for nearly three months, starting when he was 13 months old, which was around the time I weaned him and put him on cow's milk.  Now we're experimenting again, two days off milk and his face looks much better.  I'm keeping his appointment with the dermatologist for now, though, and we'll see what happens.  If this is 100% a milk allergy, my entire manner of cooking and eating has to change.  And I'm so lazy about that stuff, it's going to be very hard.  Milk is in EVERYTHING.

As I'm sure you can tell, I just haven't been into the blogging lately.  I feel like any humor I had in it is gone, motivation is kaput, and I don't even enjoy being on the computer as much lately.  Those of you with blogs may have noticed I don't comment as much, or as often.  I'm just not on very much anymore.  I'm contemplating deleting this blog, but I am not sure.  I won't do it before I've printed everything out.  I'll keep you posted, if you are interested.   

Meet Thomas

I give you one guess who named him.

And let's not even get into how crazy I must be. Or how much I need to clean under that dresser.